Here's How to Tell if You're in a Toxic Relationship

By: Jamie London

Does your boyfriend or girlfriend make themselves look good at your expense?

Have they ever made fun of you in front of other people?

Sure your boyfriend or girlfriend says they love you - but do they act like it?

Do they treat you with trust, or are they always suspicious?

Are they always telling you what's wrong with you and saying you should change? And have you done it to please them?

These are all indications that you may be in a toxic relationship. Why do people call it "toxic?" Because just like tainted food - which is toxic - this kind of relationship can literally make you sick, psychologically and even physically.

If you do think you may be in a toxic relationship, you may be asking yourself where you went wrong. I mean, nobody would purposely want to be with someone who harmed them, right?

In fact, toxic relationships develop over time. They usually start great! You are both delighted and possibly very attracted to each other. Then there's some sort of conflict or fight, after which you get back together. Everything seems fantastic again... until the cycle replays itself, over and over again.

You can't possibly see this when you first meet someone new. They seem great, you're happy and feeling like you're falling in love. But as time goes by, and things get more and more difficult, it gets more difficult to leave.

If you tend to get into toxic relationships, don't treat yourself too unkindly. It may not be entirely your fault. In some cases, people get into these types of relationships because they grew up in toxic homes. Psychologists will tell you that we all tend to recreate the experiences of our childhood. So if that's you, you may not even know why this is happening.

There are other reasons, of course - poor self-respect, a desire to care for needy people, a sense of guilt that makes you stay rather than hurt someone else.

But the important issues isn't WHY you're in a toxic relationship; it's how to get out of it.

The first step is to recognize that you don't have to stay. You have an alternative. You can stay or leave, it's up to you. Once you can really feel that way (and it might take time), you have to start taking better care of yourself. If your partner is verbally abusive or blames you for everything, speak up for yourself. You may be very surprised at their reaction when you stop taking their abuse.

Of course, if you simply can't manage to get yourself out of a toxic relationship, you might want to consider seeking help from a therapist. If the reasons are really entrenched, it could be you need a little help to rebuild your self-esteem and break free.

Don't worry. People are able to escape toxic relationships all the time, and to move on to much healthier, happier relationships.

And in quite a few cases, some couples are actually able to fix their relationship and make it work. That's right. In fact, if both partners are willing to commit, to take the time and treat each other with respect and thoughtfulness, most relationships can be saved.

If you just can't get what you need, your partner needs to understand that you're prepared to leave. If you both want to make it work, make an promise and start rebuilding your relationship in a healthier way.

But always remember - the choice is yours.

Reprinted from: Communication Skills Articles.

When it comes to relationships, Jamie London has experienced pretty much everything - wonderful ones, miserable ones, healthy ones, unhealthy ones, a heartbreaking divorce... and eventually discovering real, lasting love through online dating. Now Jamie is devoted to helping others. Check out Jamie's unbiased, fact-based guide to the best relationship products on the Internet at www.RelationshipProductGuide.com.

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