How to Achieve Personal Success by Building Successful Relationships

By: Ian Russell

Every would-be successful person would do well to remember the saying 'no man is an island'. Whether or not you enjoy the company of other people, the importance that they will have in your success is undeniable. Much of our thinking is conditioned by how we want to be perceived by others, and subsequently much of our behaviour is correspondingly conditioned by how we want to be looked at. This is because success in life is dependent on how we interact with others. A strongly developed social network will always be evident when looking back on a successful personal and financial life.

Despite striving for happiness we can so often end up unhappy. The depressing statistics of divorce and family breakup in the Western world today back this up. A good many marriages break down because those involved fail to adjust to the end of the' honeymoon period' - typically around three years into a marriage. The pre wedding promises of everlasting happiness fail to materialise and the descent begins. The day to day routine takes root and the fairy tale ending fades to the distance. Also, the excitement of initial physical attraction will eventually decline, and as failure to adjust and accept the natural evolution of the relationship sets in petty quarrels over minor issues ensue.

Being able to adapt and change is vital if you want success in your relationships with others. If you had a business and it was losing money hand over fist you would change your approach wouldn't you? You would examine every detail to see where things were going wrong. So why then do we give so little thought to our relationships? Why is it that so many of us expect the good things in life to just fall into our lap? The answer is that we are stricken with the inability to look beyond that which we already believe to be true. As with most failures, it is because we fail to see what is right in front of us.

It is no surprise that we enter into relationships with a degree of naivety. A childhood filled with fairy tales, fantasy films and teachings from parents instil an idealised notion of how personal relationships should be. Intensifying this problem is the fact that we live in a world where people expect instant gratification. It is all too frequently that relationships and friendships disintegrate because people do not have the patience to make them work. The 'I want it now' culture of today's society has taken hold of the very things that we should hold dearest. The fact is that we should realise that attaining success in our relationships is the same as with any other form of success, whether it be personal or financial and that this success does not come about overnight.

We have looked here at intimate relationships and marriage in particular, but the self same principles apply in all forms of relationship. It takes a very special person to recognise the signals given out by others and react to them appropriately. The best sales people and the best lawyers can do it. This ability is essentially empathic - in other words, the ability to comprehend the exact feelings of another individual at any given moment. The true specialist in empathy can then command the situation without appearing over bearing or arrogant. This empathy is conveyed through words, gestures and mental signals, and how these signals are communicated is what marks you as an individual.

Communication is absolutely critical in any relationship. The manner you choose to communicate with is usually the predominant characteristic that people attach to your entire personality. It is why TV chef Gordon Ramsey is set in people's minds for being an angry, confrontational and domineering person. It has been pivotal in his success because he has effectively used his manner of communication to create a brand for himself that is honest, entertaining and instantly recognisable.

In this same way you must also regard your manner of communication as your own brand. How you decide to market yourself is up to you. Assuming command over not only what you say but how you say it will give you the strength to be the person you want to be, and influence how you appear to others. How you approach this task and its eventual outcome is something you must decide for yourself, but above all you should take solace from the fact that the power is yours to do with as you see fit.

Reprinted from: Communication Skills Articles.

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