Restoring Trust in Relationships -- Getting Your Ex Back After an Affair

By: Gary DeWitt

Do you still love your ex even after you’ve cheated? What are you doing about getting your ex back? Some say that cheating should always be the end of the relationship.

Restoring trust in relationships requires an adjustment in attitude and actions whether it was your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your wife, or your husband. It is still a possibility to restore your relationship after an affair. But, to do so, you are going to have to get the level of trust back that you had before.

You had an attitude that allowed you to stray in order to have had an affair in the first place. There may be something at the core or the relationship that is diseased. But disease can be healed.

What were you looking for that your partner did not provide? Was it better sex? Was it somebody that would pay more attention to you? Was she getting slobby or fat?

If your relationship was sound and perfect, you would not have had an affair. So, what needs to be done to fix it? Often that lies in self analysis.

Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the underlying problems. Sometimes that means going into couples counseling.

But just understanding our thoughts is not enough. The next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems.

It is not enough to discuss the right things, but to do the right things.

One of the biggest things you can do is to make small promises and keep them. If you promise to take the trash out every evening, do it. And, do it consistently. When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things, a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger picture of the relationship.

Your girlfriend, your wife, your boyfriend, or your husband is going to need constant reassurance that you have changed. This means that you are going to need to apologize more than once over time. You will also need to treat the recurring comments about the violation of trust as a matter of course. It is not easy for her to forgive the breach. If you want to stay with her, you will be patient with her.

This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the indiscretion forever. In fact, if you allow her to constantly guilt trip you, she will not be satisfied in the new relationship you are building. Just be understanding.

Finally, you need to put a positive spin on the incident. Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature. Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken, a relationship can improve after an affair.

Getting your ex back takes time. It requires that you change both your attitudes and actions. But it is possible to heal the divide and be a stronger couple as a result. But you can get ex back.

Reprinted from: Communication Skills Articles.

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